


you are loved more than you know

by moonlightphan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, a lot of talk from the period of time where aaron n robert were split up, mentions of jack and robert's relationship, seb finds out robert didn't want him until he was born
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 05:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21386860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightphan/pseuds/moonlightphan
Summary: Seb finds out that Robert didn't want him while Rebecca was pregnant.or, it's seb's 16th birthday and he overhears his dads talking about how robert nearly left emmerdale the day their son was born
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Robert Sugden & Seb White, Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Liv Flaherty & Seb White
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	you are loved more than you know

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! it's my angsty seb birthday fic lol 
> 
> i missed seb's bday by a day but i have been writing this for a few days so lol soz seb pal. it's set in a whole thirteen years so that's wild to me lol. also adam and vic are together n have a son in this bc......i miss adam and i hate the lee thing oop
> 
> i've seen a lot of seb fics when he's older and he finds out that he's the product of his dad cheating on his other dad, and i didn't want to write what's already been done. i've never seen anyone write about the fact robert nearly abandoned his son, or that he didn't want anything to do with seb until he was actually /born/. so this was born.
> 
> the title is from sleeping at last's 'light'.

Today is Seb’s birthday - he’d been looking forward to finally being sixteen. He hadn’t been excited for a birthday in a few years now, but something about being sixteen felt very grown up, which he desperately wanted to hold in his hands. He knew his parents had all argued about if he’d be in Emmerdale or Liverpool for his birthday. The agreement was always that holidays and weekends, he would be with his dads, and the normal day-to-day would be with his mum and Ross. So clearly it was an important birthday if his mum was trying to get it for herself. 

He didn’t mind, he’s having a Dingle knees-up today, as his mum is forcing him home at who knew what time in the morning. At least he had today with the whole family. He missed them a lot when he went back to his mum's. When he was younger he moaned about it a lot more, he’s just accepted it by now - he cried a lot when he was a kid about wanting to be here more, but he knew they couldn’t help it. 

“There’s the _birthday boy_!” Chas exclaims on his arrival, Liv walking in after him, both Aaron and Robert had been in the pub for an hour before to help set up. 

He looked around to find all the birthday banners, and the one he knew they’d made when he turned one was behind the bar, “Here I am,” he chuckles to himself. 

“Yeah, and what am _I_? Dog’s dinner?” Liv quips. 

“You shut up, your birthday was months ago!” Aaron says, messing up her hair. 

Liv tries to pinch at his stomach to escape, “Oi!”

"That'll teach you, won't it?"

"Last time I'm driving all the way back here then, you watch."

Aaron rolled his eyes, "Because it's such a long trip in your Ford Focus."

“Do I get a pint then?” Seb tries. 

“Fat chance of _that_,” Chas yells. 

He looks around at his huge family, all the Dingles had shown up, as well as Victoria and Adam, and their son Finley was sat down with Diane, Paddy and Eve. 

Zak was propping up the bar, “Don’t worry lad, you’ll be drinking in here in no time, don’t think you’ve gotten out of the welly just because your dad did it.”

Chas puts an orange juice in front of him while Aaron and Robert stand behind their son, “Oi!” Robert calls, “If I had to do that, you have to an’ all!”

“What happened to me being honary and all that? Liv never had to!” 

“What do you want, me to just to drink a gallon of juice from it?” Liv smirks. 

Adam pats his shoulder, “She got out of it, kid, good luck with that.”

“Did Dad?” He asks, turning his head over to his uncle. 

Cain’s eyebrow furrows, “Which one? Either way answer’s yes.” Seb noted to ask his papa why he had to drink from the welly if he was blood-related, but he figured that would be a tale for another time. 

“How have yous _all_ gotten the lot of us to do this welly thing?”

Charity comes out from the back, catching the tails of the conversation, “We have our ways.” 

. 

After a bit of time, Seb notices both his dad’s have gone missing, he thinks to go looking but realises what he really needs is the bog before he can do anything.  He gets to the door and hears their voices from inside, hearing their conversation. 

_ “You know how hard it was when he was born, I’m just so happy I stuck at it.” _

_ “Most parents say it’s the best day of their lives, eh?” _

_ “Yeah well, I nearly did a runner, didn’t I? Reckon marrying you was the best days I have under my belt.” _

_ “What about when Eden was born?”  _

_ “Yeah that’s another one. I knew I wanted Seb once I met him, but the day he was born was so hard. The day I met him, that's one of my best days. But…” _

From that, he heard what he did and he took a step back, trying to process it. Sam came through in that moment, noticing him with the confused look on his face, and he clearly also caught the things his parents were saying - “Oh! Don’t take that to heart, eh? You weren’t _theirs_ yet, because of how you came about, like. Rob wanted you as soon as he met you. Any road, you going in?”

Seb shook his head, going through to the pub again and making a beeline for the door to get out of their. Hopefully nobody will notice him running off for a bit. He just wanted to be alone. 

He didn’t notice Liv watching him run past. 

.

Liv wandered about the village once she realised that Seb wasn’t coming back - it had been a good twenty minutes so she was fairly certain on that fact. Robert and Aaron had started worrying, so she decided to go off and find her nephew. 

It didn’t take her long to get to the cricket pavilion, where she found him inside, sat with his knees up - his eyes glued to his phone.

She took a seat down next to him, “Hiya.” 

Seb nodded at her, locking his phone and putting it down next to them both. 

“Sam said you might have heard something Rob’s told Aaron in the bog that’s upset you. Your dad can be an idiot, you know.”

He remained quiet, letting her carry on, knowing that the anger sat in his stomach was too solid for him to respond. 

“You know, your dad’s both found me when I was about fourteen, I came to live with your Papa a few months later. I didn’t get on too well with your dad. After a few weeks I thought he hated me - and I shopped him to the police, reported him for a false witness,” Liv told him, she knew Aaron didn’t want Seb to know much about Gordon so she didn’t go into detail. Seb had been told that Gordon had gone to prison and died there because he did something to Aaron growing up, but he didn’t know _what_, just that Aaron had gone to the police and got Gordon in prison.

Seb looked up at her, “False witness?”

“Yeah, your dad had paid someone to lie to support your Papa’s case. _Don’t_ get any ideas.”

He scoffed, “Who am I going to pay? And what for? You noticed me involved in a court case, have you?”

“Yeah, keep it that way,” she scolded, “Anyway, I shopped him. I just wanted him out the way. He never blew up at me, never took it out on me. He was mad, but he just took it. After that, he loved me, fully just got over it and looked after me like I was his own. Because I am, I guess.” 

Seb started scratching the back of his hands, which Liv quickly stopped, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, you need to hear that whatever you heard, Robert loves the bones of you. You could do anything, anything at all, and he still would. So whatever you heard, I promise you he still wants you. He could have ditched me so many times, just let Aaron deal with me but he never did. I was always _both_ of theirs. Blood or not.”

He nodded, and picked his phone back up, and Liv notices that he’s looking through the family photos he has on there, “They’re wondering where you are. Your papa is trying to figure out where you’d run off to first, Robert’s already looking everywhere, clearly neither of them remember what it’s like to be sixteen and in this place.”

“When I went to the bog, I overheard them talking and Dad said the day I was born, he really struggled with it. Nearly ditched me,” Seb confessed, “That the best days of his life was when he married Papa and when Eden was born. Not me.”

He notices that Liv is about to interrupt him, so he continues before she can. 

She closes her mouth when he carries on, “Sam saw me outside. He said not to take it to heart, it was just that I wasn’t theirs then, I was just me mum’s and Dad didn’t want me until he met me.”

“Seb-”

“_No_, you’ve _all_ been lying to me this whole time,” He says, an edge beginning to form in his tone, “I know that dad went behind Papa’s back and that’s how I came about, they told me that, at least. But they always told me they _both_ wanted me. I knew Papa wasn’t involved at the start, that’s fine. But Dad always said he wanted me as soon as he found out Mum was pregnant.”

Liv sighs, “Look, you know Sam’s a pillock. You must know that, you’re a smart kid. He really wouldn’t have meant anything,” she tries to calm him down, at least by letting him talk, he’s letting her in. 

“I don’t want Dad or Papa here.”

“Why not just your Papa, eh? What’s he done?”

“You mean besides lying my whole life?”

She puts an arm around him, “Why do you think they did that?”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You’re always going to be their little boy. Doesn’t matter how big you get, I realised that early on. I’m not even _their_ kid and I’m still _their kid_,” Liv says, she’s thirty now, and even at this age she still knows Robert and Aaron see her like that. “Besides, I never came here to see you having a strop, I saw enough of that when I lived with you, eh?”

Liv had moved out when she was 23. Just to a flat in Hotten at first, she toyed with the idea of university for a while, but eventually just found a job she really liked and stuck with it - she worked in a little art shop that carries lessons and workshops in primary schools. Now, she was the happiest she’d ever been, she only lived a five minute walk from Emmerdale now, and was with a girl. She did some exploring, and found that she could have romantic feelings for people, and after she felt comfortable - she started going on odd dates and met Delilah when she was twenty. She was also asexual which helped Liv out a lot, and they were happy together - Aaron teased her endlessly for her soft side, now. 

Seb rolled her eyes as she smiled, “Oi, I’m not against digging out all the embarrassing stuff I have on you, I changed your nappies, I did.”

He looked down at the photos on his phone again. 

“They’d be going spare if they knew you were upset, you know how they are,” Liv pointed out, “Love the bones of you, they do. You _know_ that.”

Looking at her eyes, he nodded, “Papa can come.”

.

When Aaron gets a text from his little sister that his son is at the cricket pavilion, he _genuinely_ thinks about kicking himself in the shin for forgetting where you would go if you were sixteen, in Emmerdale, and in a mood. He arrived within five minutes by running over from the pub (_really_ running, that is) and when he opens the door, he sees Seb’s scowl before he notices how sad he looks. 

“Hiya,” Aaron says softly, “What’s going on?”

Liv squeezes Seb’s hand, and he shakes his head. Aaron closes his eyes, and extends a hand to his son, “Come here, I want to show you something.”

Seb stands and walks out the small building and goes towards the railing, and sees his Papa pointing out some of the carvings, until he notices _Aaron wuz ere_ etched into the wood, and he smiles. 

“I was a teenager too, you know. You’re a bit more graceful that I was, I’ll admit.”

Liv scoffs, “The things Chas and Cain told me, Seb’s like Jesus compared to you.”

“Alright cheers Liv,” Aaron says, sitting on the steps, where Seb places himself down next to Aaron, while Liv leans against the railing, Seb’s phone in her hand. “What I’m saying here is don’t bottle things up. If you’re upset, tell me, eh?" As he speaks, he places a hand on his son's arm, rubbing the skin for a second, "I was really angry when I was your age. _All_ the time, I was _so_ angry, because I kept everything to myself. I don’t want that for you.”

Seb looks at his father’s hands, he knew that Aaron used to hurt himself - they’d spoken about it when he was younger after he’d seen some of his scars when he’d learned what they were in school. “I overheard you and Dad in the bogs.”

.

Aaron went quiet for a moment after Seb explained what he had overheard, and what Sam had said to him. He puts an arm around his son, “You are the most loved boy, you know?” 

Seb looked down, before Aaron gently made him look up to meet his look. 

“You are. You’re _so_ wanted by us, by everyone. We all love the bones of you,” Aaron said, “And we _all_ did our part in raising you, because we all wanted to.”

Seb stayed quiet for a moment, wanting to hear what he had to say. 

“It wasn’t just your mum and dad, you know? I did my share-”

Seb interrupted, “You are my dad, too.”

Aaron smiles, “I should think so, you’re just like me. Bottling things up, I won’t be having any of that,” Seb laughs, and Aaron rubs his son’s arm, “It doesn’t matter how you came about, we're so lucky that you came about, even if I didn’t know it at first. I never thought I’d be able to look at you and not see how exactly you came to be, but you’re just so easy to love.”

“I know that I was born because Dad cheated, I’m not mad because of that,” Seb tells him, and Aaron’s brow furrows in confusion, “I’m _mad_ because he wanted rid of me, and everyone always told me he wanted me from day one.” 

He can see Aaron’s eyes clear, “_Hey_, you were wanted. The reason your dad went off on one was that he was scared to lose me and Liv, he hadn’t met you yet. He wasn’t a dad yet, he didn’t know how much he would love you.”

“But he didn’t want me.”

"Blokes typically are a bit distant before they have a kid. I don't really know why, but until you're a dad, and see your kid in front of you - you don't really connect to them until your baby's in front of you."

Liv laughed, "Right, let's blame the male species."

"Liv!"

Seb looks over to her, "She's right, though. You can't just say all men are like that and don't what their kids until they're born. It's just not true."

Aaron swallowed, and nodded, "You're right. I should say your dad. Your dad found it hard to connect to you while your mum was pregnant because he was disconnected from a father-child relationship. You know about that."

Seb nodded, and Aaron noticed the vacant look behind his son's eyes, and he decided to take another approach.

“I’ll tell you a secret. The day you were born, your dad nearly left, he did. We weren't together then, but I stopped him, because I knew you deserved better,” Aaron said, stroking his son’s hair. 

“So he really didn’t want me until you told him to.”

Aaron shook his head, “Not at all. He was terrified of messing you up. Back then, your dad was a bit of a state, he had nothing to behave for, he didn’t have me or Liv, didn’t have you. He was just one big self destruct button.”

“What would he mess up? Wouldn’t it be worse to just ditch?”

“When you were born, your dad hadn’t sorted his head out with his own dad. He still thought he was the biggest disappointment and that he was the worst person alive. He thought if you were born and had the same bond he did with his dad, it would ruin you,” he explained, “Dad was terrified that you were going to end up like him, he wanted better for you, so he just thought that you’d be better without him messing you up.”

“He was wrong.”

Aaron smiled, “I know that, and he does too, okay bug? I used to think I’d muck it up too. I was really a big state when I was younger - but settling down with you, Liv, and your dad really just made me the happiest. I’m happy that I have you, and so is your dad. He told me that when you were born and your mum took you home, she let him hold you for the first time outside the hospital. And everything was clear for him since then. He wanted you more than anything in the world. He took you everywhere, the pub, cafe, shop, everywhere to show you off, it was hard for me to see him with you then.”

Seb leaned his head against his dad. 

“When we got back together, everything was about making sure I would be comfy with you, and that you both came together, you came first. Every single day, you always have. You’ve got a class mum and dad, you do.”

“A class Mum, Dad, and Papa, I think.”

He felt a kiss from his dad on top of his head, “And you crept up on me, made me love you. I’ve wanted you, too. Everyday. You’re _so_ wanted, you always have.”

. 

“Can we go home instead? Not really in a party mood now, anyway.”

Liv stood next to her nephew, handing him his phone.

“Yeah, I’ll text your dad to come home, eh?” They all walked back to the Mill together, and Robert was close behind, holding Eden's hand as they both walked home.

Seb didn’t want a big fuss from his dad, and went to the bog as he never actually went before. He could overhear them talking when he was coming back. 

“Hey bug!” Robert exclaimed, “Come here, you.”

He felt the arms of his dad surrounding him, and felt his lips on the crown of his head. 

“My world, you are. I want you, always always have, hm? And, Sam’s an idiot, eh? You’ve always been ours, _just_ as much as Liv and Eden.”

Seb smiled against him.

Liv was sat at the table, “Marlon sent his cake round, then?” 

She had noticed the cake on the side, and Robert replied to her, “Yeah, said him and Vic spent ages on it and Chas was gonna pop round with Eve and Paddy later, so not to light it until then. But he said there was going to be another cake at the pub next time we all go in so the family can have the sing song.” 

Seb looked around him, knowing that he was wanted, even if his dad didn’t know it until they met. 

“I’ll have to wait for a bit then, won’t I?”

“We can have it now, if you want, your birthday, init? I’ll just have to set Nana on you later,” Aaron said, messing up his son’s hair. 

Robert nods, “Yeah, I’ll have a bit an’ all, where’s the lighter?”

“I will pop round to David’s and get a caterpillar cake,” Liv said, “Set Chas on him all you like, she’ll still slap him one if she’s no new cake to eat.”

“Even her _grandbaby_?” Seb tried, taking the mick out of his Nana’s word for him when he was little. 

Aaron laughed over at them, “You want to chance it?”

“Go before we light this one,” Seb decided.

Robert chuckled, kissing Aaron’s cheek before he leans on the back of the sofa, “Glad I’m not the only one a bit scared of your mum.”

“You’d be right to, don’t think she’ll ever let her front down, don’t hurt her babies, Rob.”

“I bloody well try me best!”

“Keep it up, be back in a sec, losers,” Liv calls over, disappearing from the door.

Seb noted to himself to never question if he was wanted ever again. 

_ **fin.** _

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this! pls leave kudos and comment if you'd like :) i reply to all the comments anyway lmao
> 
> catch me on tumblr @ dinglescruff


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